3. Express the pain, again, and again.
You’re not taking up too much space.
It is okay to still be upset, in shock, and enraged. As irrational as it may feel or look, it’s apart of the process of both grieving a loss and processing life change. You are a bird, not a burden. You are meant to fly free and feel all of the stages of your healing. Expressing yourself doesn't always fall into the “wallowing” category. It can mean you are on your way to the other side. The more we talk about our pain in a frame of our own worthiness, the less power the pain has over us to believe otherwise. Tears welcome. To emote is to be authentic with YOU.
You’re doing it if:
You are acknowledging that releasing pain and tears are not signs of weakness.
You develop a mantra or phrase that helps you ground yourself in who you want to be, especially when the painful feelings threaten to steal that possibility.
You identify “safe people” who support your survivorship and give you space to process your feelings.
I hadn’t confronted my deep traumas in the outside world for a long time. After I was raped, feelings from being molested as a child also surfaced. I say this to note that trauma doesn’t just die. We usually don’t get over serious life events, we get through them. That’s why not dealing with past trauma is dangerous, because it can create a topple effect that ends up feeling too overwhelming to touch. I had to ask myself everyday, what am I doing to stop the bleeding? Whether it was expressing myself, or resting, or taking some time to cry or smash something, I was helping myself run the marathon of living life through pain- we must keep our pace and know it’s okay to slow down and feel. Most recently I've held sacred space with friends and done performance art to help myself get it all out. oxo