4. Take The Responsibility of Loving You.

It is a power move to choose yourself.

It’s not your partner’s responsibility to heal you, nor your parents’, nor your community healer’s, nor your therapist’s. There’s empowerment, not harshness, in telling yourself, “that is my responsibility.” It is your ‘ability to respond’ that is self love in this situation. It is intentional, self-fulfilling preparedness for what we know the world is capable of putting us through at any moment. Our human condition needs catering, emotionally and spiritually. After all, we have been at war. Step into your worthiness and make the choice to love yourself like no one else can.

22712552_10155792080624715_4724692475578257328_o.jpg

You’re doing it if:

  • You ask “what type of emotional tenderness may I need to get through this?” and make time and space for it

  • You are grateful for any support you receive and are aware of what you are responsible for creating and communicating within your circle.

  • You have a way of rewarding yourself for the small victories you notice in your process.

Indigo’s Insight:
 Although I have always been an independent thinker, the idea of intimate love coming from myself and not someone else was foreign to me. I found myself being frustrated at my boyfriend for not swooping in and motivating me to heal in the ways I needed and at the time I needed. I knew those thoughts were problematic, especially because most of my needs were buried under my own shame. I resolved to write myself a song of all the things I apparently wanted to hear from him. The song is featured on my upcoming album and it's called “Tell me”. I became aware that I had written myself my first love song. When I was lonely or sad, it was this song that helped me sing a sweeter tune to myself and be more loving. 

 

3. Express the pain, again, and again.

You’re not taking up too much space.

It is okay to still be upset, in shock, and enraged. As irrational as it may feel or look, it’s apart of the process of both grieving a loss and processing life change. You are a bird, not a burden. You are meant to fly free and feel all of the stages of your healing. Expressing yourself doesn't always fall into the “wallowing” category. It can mean you are on your way to the other side. The more we talk about our pain in a frame of our own worthiness, the less power the pain has over us to believe otherwise. Tears welcome. To emote is to be authentic with YOU. 

 I often open up in spaces I don't plan to be vulnerable at. No matter where I am, I give myself the luxury of flow. I allow myself the space and time to heal, and receive the medicine from every place it is available to me. 

I often open up in spaces I don't plan to be vulnerable at. No matter where I am, I give myself the luxury of flow. I allow myself the space and time to heal, and receive the medicine from every place it is available to me. 

You’re doing it if:

  • You are acknowledging that releasing pain and tears are not signs of weakness.

  • You develop a mantra or phrase that helps you ground yourself in who you want to be, especially when the painful feelings threaten to steal that possibility.

  • You identify “safe people” who support your survivorship and give you space to process your feelings.

Indigo’s Insight:
I hadn’t confronted my deep traumas in the outside world for a long time. After I was raped, feelings from being molested as a child also surfaced. I say this to note that trauma doesn’t just die. We usually don’t get over serious life events, we get through them. That’s why not dealing with past trauma is dangerous, because it can create a topple effect that ends up feeling too overwhelming to touch. I had to ask myself everyday, what am I doing to stop the bleeding? Whether it was expressing myself, or resting, or taking some time to cry or smash something, I was helping myself run the marathon of living life through pain- we must keep our pace and know it’s okay to slow down and feel. Most recently I've held sacred space with friends and done performance art to help myself get it all out. oxo